Pokemon: Lipstick Red Version
by Ihateseatbelts
Summary: Rated M as a precaution: Pokemon battling fanatics region-wide are all gunning for the title of Champion! Join Red as he tries to stay afloat in the wake of senile mentors, obsessive fans, disturbed criminals and whatever else Kanto has to throw at him... like whatever is stored in Blue's PC.


**DISCLAIMER: **I don't own the Pokémon games, anime or any other related intellectual properties. It's all the work of Satoshi Tajiri, Game Freak, Nintendo, Creatures Inc., The Pokémon Company, the shop owner who blatantly drew that Cubone card herself, etc.

**TITLE: **_Pokémon__: Lipstick Red Version_

**SUMMARY: **Red is a Pokémon battling fanatic who happened to be born in the dysfunctional backwater of Pallet Town. He eventually makes his escape, but is he wrong for thinking that the outside world couldn't possibly be any worse? Professor Oak says as much, and Blue does seem to be crumbling under the pressure... Join Red as he tries to stay afloat in the wake of senile mentors, obsessive fans, disturbed criminals and whatever else Kanto has to throw at him.

**Author's note: **Just starting it off with a brain-fart... This fan-fic writing stuff is kinda fun, huh? I've been wanting to do a Pokémon parody for a while, either as a webcomic or animated short series or something... but this is way more sustainable at the moment. The plot will resemble the old Generation One games and their remakes somewhat, but expect a few additional major events to pop up as the story progresses. Ideally, I'd like to follow Red across the world, but let's keep it at Kanto just for now. :) Please review, follow, PM, flame and all that stuff!

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'Are you a girl, or are you a _boy_?' echoed a gruff voice in the background. The background's (or anything else) specific location was uncertain, but the most pressing issue was the lack of an exit. Or light, for that matter.

'Eh?' he replied in confusion. _I'm obviously a boy, _he thought, _but_ _then again, it _is_ dark… and why am I tied up?_

'Well, which one is it? Come on, out with it!' the gruff voice barked.

'_Boy_! I'm a boy!'

'All right, all right,' the voice said impatiently, 'that's loud enough, thank you. You wouldn't happen to have the time, by the way?'

'You've _got_ to be kidding –'

'I forgot my watch. Sue me!'

Cursing under his breath, the boy tried to manuever under the slimy, thick coils that bound him in place, flicking the system voice on his wristwatch with difficulty, as well as the turquoise backlight, which did little to penetrate the surrounding darkness.

'_The time - is - - _3 A.M,' recited a cool, monotone voice from the watch.

'Oh my!' the gruff voice exclaimed, 'I overslept!'

Suddenly, rows of dazzling spot lights switched on, burning into the boy's eyes. As his vision adjusted, he found himself in an empty room built with walls of blue steel. To his horror, his would-be captor had apparently used a sleeping Ekans to tie him up. _Who the hell would do this, _he thought frantically.

It would all make sense to the boy soon enough: right in front of him stood, in his eyes, the most insufferable man to ever walk the planet.

'Welcome to the world of Pokémon!' he said cheerfully, showing his gleaming white (and possibly false) teeth as he grinned from ear to ear.

'What's going on, Professor,' the boy asked as he grated his own teeth, 'and why is this not my room?'

'My name is Oak, though I am known to many as the –'

'I know who you are,' the boy interrupted, 'and I'm sure the police would be interested to know what you're doing with a fifteen year old –'

'Look, just _roll _with it!' Oak huffed, crossing his arms. 'I've got a seminar at Viridian in five hours, and your ungrateful ass is making me late!'

'_My_ ass? You _took _me from my room while I was asleep! An Ekans, Professor? A freaking _Ekans?'_

'Whatever, boy,' Oak muttered distractedly as he retrieved a notepad from his coat pocket, 'what's your name, anyway?'

'You know my –' the boy started, but thought better of it. Playing the old man's game might get him out of there quicker.

'Red. My name's Red, sir.'

'Ah, Red! Of course! The burning springtime of youth and whatnot… Good good…'

Oak continued mumbling to himself as he rummaged around in his pockets for something else. The sleeping Ekans farted, somehow. Eventually, he pulled out a faded picture of a wiry orange-haired youth.

'Now, do you know who this is?' he asked with an air of mystique.

'Yeah, it's –'

'Good!' he boomed, clapping in enthusiasm, 'I do too, isn't that _neat_? That's what the kids are saying these days, I hear. Anyway, here's the million Pokédollar question – '

'Freaking Moltres, his name is Blue!'

'Oh. Really?' Oak said, perplexed. 'Wow, that's a coincidence indeed.' He scribbled a few notes down before replacing the picture and notebook in his breast pocket. He stared at the boy in front of him intently for a few moments. Red suddenly needed a toilet break.

'So Red,' he finally said, 'how much do Pokémon mean to you?'

Red was taken aback. Was Oak finally taking his dream seriously?

'They mean everything to me sir,' the boy responded earnestly, 'I mean, they're why we live the way we do. It's because of a Pokémon that I'm still standing today! I made a promise to my father that I'd cherish and fight for them the way they fight for us. I don't know _who _my father is, Professor, but I don't go back on my word.'

The old man was silent for a few moments. He wiped a tear from his eye before opening his mouth.

'That,' he started thickly, 'was beautiful, Red. Sweet. Really, it was. In fact, it was so beautiful and sweet that I'm going to give you my guest role on _The Lax and the Adamant_! How does that sound, boy?'

'Sir,' said Red, puzzled, 'I don't unders –'

'Power, y'damn nancy boy!' Oak bellowed as he cuffed Red around the back of the head. The Ekans awoke with a hiss, slithering away to another corner of the room. 'I don't need an orator! I'm not wasting my research on a third-rate Trainer with some sob story bull! You can ride that Magikarp to Silph Co.!'

As the stars left his eyes and the world stopped spinning, Red growled in annoyance. That Pokémon could have killed him! He decided that enough was enough and rounded on the man.

'You're going to give me my Pokémon, Oak. You're going to give me my Pokémon, and I'm going to train it to be a killer. Now if you _don't_ give me my Pokémon, I'm going to remember this conversation for when I _do _get a Pokémon, and I _will_ come back for you and your grandson. I'll take your balls, give them to Kurt, and use them to catch _four _Magikarp. I hope we're clear.'

The steel room went silent for a while more, until a tinkling stream of sound began to pound the floor.

'I have a _grandson_?' Oak gasped, unaware of the mess he made.

'Yes.'

'I see,' Oak said thoughtfully, straightening his posture, 'well you're obviously ready, Red! You've got it - it's the eyes! The red eyes! You'll be a legend among Pokémon legends! Yes... a world of dreams and adventures and Lava Cookies and Moomoo Milk and groupies... oh my, the groupies...'

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**A/N:** So... yeah. You made it down here? Give yourself a clap on the back, buds - thanks for reading! Keep an eye out for the next chapter. :)


End file.
